Separation Anxiety

When I was a kid, my brother and I were besties. I couldn’t or wouldn’t do anything or go anywhere without him. I couldn’t be away from him. In the early days of elementary school, if I didn’t see him on the playground at recess and lunch, I would get anxious and I would start to panic. I would start to tear up and race around the school yard until I saw him. I needed to see him to prove that he didn’t leave me alone.

The first instance of separation anxiety was when I was kids, and my brother got sick. My parents called my grandparents to come get me at the hospital because they needed to focus on my brother. I screamed bloody murder because I didn’t want to be away from him. Eventually, my brother made a full recovery, but it was a time for my family.

The strongest memory of my separation anxiety was when my parents took my brother to a concert and on the way to the show, they dropped me off at my grandparents. I didn’t like that. I hid in the laundry room and cried. I remained there for the whole night. My grandfather tried to get me to come out and join them in the living room. He told me that he got me a present, which was the only time I left that corner of the house. I sat on the couch opened up the present and then I went back to my hiding spot. It was a long night.

One year, I was invited to a birthday party for a classmate, it was someone whose birthday I had been to before and he had been to a couple of my birthdays. When my mom and brother were about to leave after dropping me off, I started to get upset. I started to panic because my brother was leaving. I didn’t want him to leave. The mother of my classmate invited him to stay and for the entire party, my brother sat on the stairs and hung out.

I used to have something I called “Arena Anxiety.” Whenever I went to a concert or a hockey game. I would get really anxious being in the arena. Once we got to our seats and the person I was with would leave to get something or go the restroom, I would be really on edge. I wouldn't keep my eyes off the entrance. I watch out for them. I wanted to make sure they came back. I hoped that they wouldn’t leave the stadium and forget about me. I would get nervous about being left behind. It's gotten better for the years, but I still get anxious in big crowds like concerts and hockey games.

Anxiety is a tricky thing to handle. You can fine one minute then something can trigger you. Certain situations can be tough because you don’t know what to expect or you just had a bad experience, which makes you keep your guard up. It’s something that always needs to be worked on and some days are better the others, but at least you can figure out what triggers you and you can work on it before you gets worse. Be two steps ahead. Anxiety is work in progress.