Anxiety and Aspergers

I can’t remember when it started, but it always seems like I had anxiety. When I think I’ve done something wrong, I can’t stop thinking about it. I tend to overthink it. If I don’t speak up and get it off my chest then I feel like it’s going to stay with me. If I tell someone what’s bothering me even when it’s something I didn’t do, I’ll feel better. It could be something I’ve said in the moment or something I could have done, but I panicked and didn’t do it like I should have. It’s something I try not get to me, but sometimes anxiety rears its ugly head. The worst part is when someone says or does something that isn’t towards me, but they take it out on me or they say it in such a way that it comes off as rude, I get anxious and I think about it and I convince myself that it was me that caused them to say what they said or done. I don’t know if anxiety comes with having Aspergers or if it’s just something I’ve developed over the years.

One of the triggers for my anxiety is when something gets planned weeks or months ahead of time. I start to think about it and it gets me worked up. I don't like planning to far in advance. I am the type of person who takes it day by day. The further something is planned the more I get anxious, but on the other hand, I don't like learning about things last minute. Depending on what it is, I can handle it, but to far in the future, makes me nervous. I rather it things done now so I can get it over and done with.

There was a time when I was in Mexico when I had an anxiety/panic attack while ziplining. I don’t know what came over me, but it was towards the end of the course, and I had to repel off a lodge that was in a tree. I don’t know what happened, but I started getting nervous and panic set in. I don’t have a problem with heights or doing anything extreme, but for some reason, I just started getting anxious and nervous.

I know that everyone had a different degree of anxiety. Even when you’re not on the spectrum, it can vary from person to person. Some people have it so bad, they can’t leave the house, or they can’t go to a certain store because its either too crowded or they had a bad experience inside the store.

People can hide it and just go on with their life like nothing is happening, but once they’re alone, they break down. They think they have to be strong for others, but sometimes it’s not that easy.

I wish people were more open about anxiety. You never know who else as it and they can be a great comfort because they know exactly what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to speak up. You never know who you might help.