What Hurts The Most

I’ve recently gotten some news, it’s good news, but the way I was told this news was in a way I thought could have gone better. I feel like with this type of news, I would have been told a lot sooner. I feel like if we were as good as friends as I thought we were, I would have learnt about this a lot earlier.

Don’t get me wrong, this is something to be happy about, but I’m disappointed, angry and heartbroken. There are so many things I’m feeling regarding this situation.

Months ago, I had bought up a few times that if this were to ever happen, I wanted to be involved in hosting or being part of hosting. It was something I was interested in and was willing to take the time to set everything up and take the pressure off of planning since there was going to be a lot going on, but when I mentioned that I thought I was somewhat going to be involved, I was told that she didn’t think I was still interested in doing anything since it had been months since we last hung out/talked, but as I mentioned to her I wouldn’t have offered to do something if I wasn’t interested.

It hurt that she not only took this long to tell me, but didn’t think of me when it was time to “plan” something. She told me that her family was having a little get together and I was invited if I wanted to go, but since she didn’t say anything about this “event” until I mentioned something, it felt like she invited me because she felt bad. Mind you, this “event” is less than 24 hours after I got the Facebook invite. The fact that she waited until the day before to invite me makes it seem that she wasn’t thinking of me as someone she wanted to celebrate with and the way she waited this long to tell me really makes me think that we’re not as close as I thought we were. If I was important enough to her then I would have known about this weeks ago.

It's times like this when people who I thought I was good friends with don’t give me a chance or a thought when it comes it big events. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me for them to not want me to be involved even in the smallest way. It really makes me think about where I am in people’s lives. I’ll go out of my way to offer any type of help and support, but that doesn’t get returned making me feel left out in life’s big moments, especially when they tend to rely on others for help and support but choose to not ask me even after I’ve offered said help and support.

I’m frustrated, upset and discouraged that I’m invisible to people who I thought were my friends.