I don’t know if it is a Aspergers thing, but I’ve always been an introvert. There are things that introverts do and things that Aspergers do that go hand in hand. No matter how hard I try, being introverted will always be my thing.
For the longest time, it was hard me to make eye contact and I still struggle with it. I tend to look away when I’m talking to someone or I look around the room. I don’t remember a time when I was able to look someone in the eye and make my eyes stay there. It was something that I noticed before I was diagnosed.
Being around people for long periods of time makes me mentally exhausted. Especially if there unfamiliar people. I don’t like making small talk and when someone that I don’t know comes up to me and tries to make conversation, I panic and try and get out of it. Its not easy. I sit in the corner and observe, trying to come up with a reason to leave. I’m quiet and reserved when it comes to unfamiliar settings and people. It comes off like I don’t want to be there and sometimes its true, if you throw me in expecting me to talk to people then you choose the wrong person. I have a hard time meeting people as it is and I don’t need the pressure of a group setting to make it even harder. I have to start of slow. There’s no need to rush. Some people have the skills to make friends and others don’t. I prefer to write then to actually verbalize my thoughts and feelings. I’ve always been shy and I think sometimes I hide behind that. If the situation doesn’t concern me then I don’t get involved.
I enjoy being alone. It feels like I can do so much more things with my time when I’m alone then if I’m with someone. I can go at my own pace and not have to worry about why the other person is taking so long. Some days its nice to have someone there to hang out with as long as their in the other room doing their own thing and I’m doing mine. This is a weird one because I want to get married one day, but I wouldn’t know how I would react to being with someone 24/7 for the rest of my life. He must have to be really special to understand how I work and know what my limits are with people and know the signs of overwhelming exhaustion when it comes to being around people for more then a couple hours. There are days where I wish I had someone there to hang out with, but other times I’m fine with just hanging out at home by myself and just doing my own thing.
Hanging out at coffee shops and libraries are more appealing to me then going to places that are really loud. I rather have a heart to heart conversation with someone then having to yell over the music when I’m asking someone about how their weekend went. Grabbing a coffee and just sitting at a table reading a book is all I need. If you want to sit with me and spend the afternoon not talking then by all means, join me. I could use a friend to sit in silence with.
There are other things that make me an introvert. I know that there are other like me, but we’re just to introverted to say something. We’re all in this together. We’re never alone. We are who we are for a reason and we don’t need to change to impress people.