Understanding Boundaries

What is a boundary?

A boundary is a limit or line, real or imagined, that defines what is acceptable and unacceptable in a given situation or relationship. It helps protect your time, energy, feelings, and personal space. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental, or based on time and space. 

It is a guideline indicting what someone is okay with and what their not uncomfortable with. You can’t step over that line and make the person feel unsafe. Boundaries are tough to understand when you want to understand and connect with Somone and be able to help them. You want to do whatever you can, but sometimes doing too much can be uncomfortable for someone.

Everyone as a voice to be able to speak up and when we are in a situation where we’re vulnerable, people want to step in and help fix the situation, but that’s not always the case. Just because someone is in a place that looks like their hurt or in danger, doesn’t necessarily mean they want you to cross that line. People have the right to say something, but boundaries also need to be made clear and be understood. You can’t assume that someone’s going to know when to not cross the line. You have to come up with an agreement to let that person know that its uncomfortable for that person to step in when you aren’t ready for them to do so. Be open and honest and let them know, unless you tell them that it’s okay, they need to step back and let you take care of it.

When you want to create a connection with someone who is struggling, let them come to you. Don’t pressure them into telling you their story. Don’t push them for information. The more you cross that  boundary, the less they’re going to trust you. Just listen to what they have to say in that moment and show them that you’re there for them. They’re going to open up eventually, maybe not to you personally, but to someone else.

Boundaries are going to change on a regular basis. You may be okay with someone being in your space, but tomorrow, you may not want them to be there. People’s moods change. You have to be able to read the situation and determine what you think is best. If you don’t know, just ask.

If you don’t want someone to know what’s going on, set a boundary and tell them that you are not comfortable sharing information or if you know someone that tends to tell other people your personal business, speak up and tell them that if that person wants to know stuff, they can reach to you personally and not have to go through other people for information.

Not everyone is going to be open about what’s going on. There are going to be people who you’re comfortable telling things do so it’s going to be easier to be honest with, but a lot of the time, people will cross that boundary because they think their helping and it makes people not want to talk because of it. You have to be aware of what’s going on and know who the person is. Some people feed of energy, if they sense something is off about you, they will be closed off.

Be opened minded and just go off with that they’re doing and saying. Show them that you’re there to help and not make them feel bad about their situation.