What Is Gaslighting

According to Wikipedia, “Gaslighting” is the manipulation of someone into questioning their perception of reality. The term derives from the 1944 film Gaslight and became popular in the mid-2010s.

With gaslighting comes with things like lying, denying facts and distorting information to make the person doubt themselves. It’s a form of abuse. The victim will be more dependent on the abuser. The victim will be left in confusion, have anxiety and feel isolated. Their confidence will disappear over time.

Whoever the gaslighter is in the situation will often things like “That’s not true” or “You’re misremembering.” They will convince the victim that they are wrong and they will deny that things happen making the victim believe that they are the ones at fault for the situation. Gaslighters will pass on the blame to the victim. They will also not take the victim’s feelings to account staying things like “ You’re too sensitive” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

Gaslighting in a way is someone’s way of deflecting their own faults towards someone else. They don’t want to take responsibility. Deflection involves manipulating someone to avoid taking responsibility and to shift blame away from oneself. While deflection is the act of changing the subject or blaming others, gaslighting adds the layer of making the target doubt their own reality, perceptions, or sanity. 

Gaslighting is a way for someone to have power over someone else’s thoughts and feelings. They need to be able to control the situation to make sure that the victim feels like what they do and say is wrong. The gaslighter wants to break the victim down by telling them that the current situation isn’t how the victim thinks the situation is going. They will believe that whatever is currently happening is what is true even though there is proof that the gaslighter is the one that started the confrontation but is gaslighting to take the focus off themselves.

The act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one's own advantage.

As time goes on, the victim start to doubt themselves and start to believe what the gaslighter is saying. It becomes harder for the victim to see the truth.

A gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value. Gaslighting can sometimes be a tactic employed by someone with a narcissistic personality, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic personality disorder.

It’s going to be hard to leave a relationship with someone who is a gaslighter. There’s going to be struggles with trust and fear that the person is going to find out and gaslight you into staying, but you got to do what you got to do to survive. You have to be able to walk away and create a safe place.

You have to be able to trust someone other than the gaslighter to be able to help you get out. You need to be safe and out of harms way. You don’t know if the person your leaving is going be get violent and start to gaslight you into telling you that they are the only person out there that will love you.

You need to be able to go with your instincts and walk away when you can. If you don’t feel safe, get help. Especially if you feel like there’s going to be anything physical happening. You will need a support system that will guide you and show you that there more to life. Speak up and let people know.

Gaslighting will start off as small things and add up as time goes on. It’s better to learn the signs early on so you know and have a plan when it’s time to go. Get out when you still can.