I’ve always wanted kids. It’s the one thing in the world that I’ve always wanted, but I’ve found myself especially over the last couple of years that I’m never going to have them. I’ve imagined that at this point in my life, I would at least have one child, but as time goes on, I feel like that dream isn’t going to happened.
I watch everyone around me getting married and starting families. I want to be part of that. I can’t be around people who have kids because it reminds me of something that I’m never going to experience. It’s hard to be around them knowing that it’s never going to be happen for me.
I have a hard time seeing things related to babies and kids because all I want to be able to give my kids the same experiences I had as a kid. I want to share my favorite childhood books with them, I want to be able to take them to school and be on the PTA, I want to be able to coach them in baseball. I want Christmas morning. I want trick or treating on Halloween. I want to be able to do everything with them.
I’m not even sure if I’m even able to have kids. I don’t know if my body would be even able to carry a baby to term. Am I the going to try for years to get pregnant only to find out I can’t get pregnant? The older I get, the more challenging it’s going to be. I don’t want to be in the situation where getting pregnant in my 40s is going to be stress not only on me, but the baby.
This dream of having a family and kids is no longer a dream. I’m at the point in my life where I’ve accepted it. This dream is to far for me to reach. It’s doesn’t exist anymore. It’s time to move on. I have to let it go and focus on other things. I can’t hold on to something with the knowledge that it’s never going to come true.
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