I find that it’s hard for me to be in the room with couples or couples with kids because it reminds me of something that I’m not going to experience.
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept that I’m going to be “alone”. I’ve accepted that maybe it’s just in not the cards for me to get married and have kids. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be alone, and not be lonely. I don’t need to be with someone to be fulfilled. As much as it hurts to be around couples, I’ve dealt with it.
At the age I’m at now, I’m in a “If it happens, it happens” mindset. There are things I still want to happen. I want to a home and not a house. I want to create a life in one place and not have to worry about where I’m going to be when the lease it up. I still want to have a good life, but I’m at a place now where if I get married, that’s great. If I don’t get married, that’s fine. If I have kids, fantastic. If I don’t have kids, that’s okay, but there are things I still want and cherish and I want to be able to work hard on the things I do want so I can look back on my life and know that I did everything I could do to have an amazing life to look back on. I don’t want to live in fear. I want to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time. Who knows what the future holds? I don’t want to plan what’s going to happen and be disappointed when that thing doesn’t happen.
As much as I would love to be able to experience love and having a family, I’m learnt that it’s okay to be alone. I’ve fine with being by myself and doing things on my own. I’ve got into a routine of doing everything by myself. I don’t need to be one of those people who need to have someone constantly in my life. I don’t need to have a someone during the holidays. I do better on my own. I can do more things and go places without having to rely on someone. I don’t need to always check in with someone or make sure that their taking care of. I’ve done things on my own since I was old enough to do things on my own. I’ve always been able to keep myself entertained. I’ve always been able to keep myself busy.
If one day, someone comes along and sweeps me off my feet and wants to live happily ever after then I’ll accept that and my world will forever change, but until that happens, if it happens, I’m fine with being alone. I’m fine with doing things on my own. You don’t need to give up your impendence for someone. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. Don’t let one person who may not be the right person for you change that.
I’m a strong independent woman, I don’t need no man.